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Writer's pictureHowie Klein

This Is Just For Old People-- And People Who Plan On Getting Old



One of my neighbors-- Jim, around the same age as I am-- sent me this a couple months ago. It resonated and I saved it because I knew I would eventually figure out how to work it into a post. I never did so I decided to just use it as a stand-alone tonight, more than aware that must of our political leaders are suffering from greater or lesser age-related cognitive disorder.


  • Trump- 76 in June

  • Biden- 80 in November

  • Nancy Pelosi- 83

  • Steny Hoyer- 84 in June

  • Jim Clyburn- 83

  • Dianne Feinstein- 90 next month

  • Chuck Grassley- 90 in September


A.A.A.D.D.-- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder: Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.


This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway,

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.


As I start toward the garage,

I notice mail on the porch table that

I brought up from the mail box earlier.


I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.


I lay my car keys on the table,

Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,

And notice that the can is full.


So, I decide to put the bills back

On the table and take out the garbage first...


But then I think,

Since I'm going to be near the mailbox

When I take out the garbage anyway,

I may as well pay the bills first.


I take my check book off the table,

And see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,

So I go inside the house to my desk where

I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.


I'm going to look for my checks,

But first I need to push the Pepsi aside

So that I don't accidentally knock it over.


The Pepsi is getting warm,

And I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.


As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,

A vase of flowers on the counter

Catches my eye--they need water.


I put the Pepsi on the counter and

Discover my reading glasses that

I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,

But first I'm going to water the flowers.


I set the glasses back down on the counter ,

Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.


I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,

I'll be looking for the remote,

But I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,

So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,

But first I'll water the flowers.


I pour some water in the flowers,

But quite a bit of it spills on the floor.


So, I set the remote back on the table,

Get some towels and wipe up the spill.


Then, I head down the hall trying to

Remember what I was planning to do.


At the end of the day:

The car isn't washed,

The bills aren't paid,

There is a warm can of

Pepsi sitting on the counter,

The flowers don't have enough water,

There is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,

I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,

And I'm really tired.


I realize this is a serious problem,

And I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....


Do me a favor.

Forward this message to everyone you know,

Because I don't remember who I've sent it to.


Don't laugh-- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

P.S. I don't remember who sent it to me, so if it was you, I’m sorry!


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