by Noah
And now, last but certainly not least, something for the youngsters, sort of. Actually, I doubt that there's much hope for a child raised in a Republican household ever becoming a decent human being. I mean, what are they learning other than the despicable hatreds, bigotries, greed, and religious nuttery, etc. of their parental units? In other words, the Satan wrapping paper shown above is perfect for wrapping any gift to any Republican child, especially a disease-spreading unvaccinated one. Well, here you are. I've got my "I Don't Care, Do You" Santa outfit on and I'm ready to go. So, c'mon, give the little brats a toy and be generous of spirit, just like me. My suitable suggestions are these! Maybe, just maybe one of these will shock some young, still impressionable Republican mind enough that they actually end up making a positive contribution to society. Yeah, I know, not bloody likely.
1. A Tesla of their very own! Maybe not a full adult size Tesla but not to worry, the flames come with the name. Just look at that kid above. If a crying miserable child filled with fear and disappointment isn't the Republican ideal, I don't know what is!!! What better way to teach the younger generations the future decades of misery that are spread out before them. Toys that catch fire, burn and threaten lives are certainly one way to achieve that! Better yet, maybe the Tesla makes the Christmas tree catch fire and the whole house burns down! Give the kid a Tesla toy just like the one his dad's liable to burn to death in! Put another sick smile on ol' Elon Apartheid's pasty face! And don't you worry about Mr. Elon Apartheid Guy, he just bought the government and he can make all the death traps he wants. Ain't that what being a Republican is all about?
2. How 'bout a Lego Trump And Shark kit, or, for those who speak fluent Republican, Trump und Hai... Chomp Chomp! The lord god of all Republican households fears the shark and jumps the shark all day every day in every way. How better to remind some stupid ass Republican family that Dear Leader is totally detached from sanity. Oh well, if they'd rather all choose "electrocution by battery," who are we not to be kind enough to give them a choice? We'll just need to come up with a lot of batteries. I can live with that. Blood simulating ketchup not included.
3. The Moms For Hitler Joyful Warrior Action Doll! This one's perfect for either the female Republican child that went off to school this morning or the boy child that went to school as a boy but is coming home as a girl because... well, you know, as heard on "FOX-Pravda" they do gender assignment surgery in elementary schools now, just like Dear Leader claimed. This gift will also serve as a constant reminder for any little Repug worm that books are for banning, and burning! Remember, now, burning books is the gateway to a life of arson, physical, social, and intellectual! Start the inner fire young!
4. Have you considered a Trump Space Force Pilot Helmet? How much would you like to see every Republican kid in your town wearing one of these? I know I would. It would be cool if republicans kids were readily identifiable at a young age. I mean, once they're adults, it's easy to spot a Republican in any crowd. You can do that from a mile away but Republican kids? There are signs but a kid wearing one of these leaves no doubt!
5. Why not a Trump Wig? Remember Beatles wigs? If you're my age, you probably do, and don't these look just like Dear Leader's hair? I can guarantee you that they smell just as bad, too. You see, these may look like Trump's hair but they're really just plants growing on a Norwegian beach and man, do they stink. Kind of a cross between dead fish, fermented skunk, and Trump's diapers. Not only that but republican parents can rest assured that these Trump Wigs™ come from the whitest country on Earth!
5. Trump Old Fashioned Lead Paint Chips? No! Please do not give any child these. Sure most Republicans want their offspring to grow up to be just like Marjorie Traitor Greene but please give serious consideration as to how she turned out. You don't really want the guilt of having any part of that, or a kid turning out to be the next Lindsey Graham or "Ted" Cruz, do you? Yeah, definitely not "Ted" Cruz. Christ, another one? What a nightmare that would be! Maybe just see if you can buy some uncooked RFK, Jr. canned bear meat for a stocking stuffer. Oh, and when I was a kid, the "Breakfast Of Champions" in my house was Wheaties, not lead paint chips. That, all by itself, may explain why my brain works better than that of any Repug congressperson like Marjorie Traitor Greene. Still, those freaks are in Congress and I'm not. Let that say what it does. And, meanwhile, don't forget:
Comments