The Food & Drink Edition
by Noah
Yeah, believe it or not, Donald Trump, The Low Class Grifter, is selling watches too but remember his McDonald's stunt? Of course you do! The important thing to think about, though, is that it worked. So many of our neighbors actually fell for it. It was all part of the Republican Party's "We're For The Working People" con. You have to be pretty dumb to fall for it but you can't say the Nazis don't know their marks, er, I mean audience. The people that run the Democratic Party weren't half as smart. They left a void or vacuum in that area that the Trump's people filled in no time at all. Now, all I can think of is how much Traitor Don loves his fast food burgers and fries and how Dubya almost choked to death on a pretzel. You might say that I have a dream.
So, without further ado, some suggested food and drink gifts for your republican acquaintances. Notice, I didn't say friends. None of them are your friends, not really, not for a second. Don't wait until they happily put on that Nazi armband before you figure it out.
1. First, give the gift of butter! Lots of butter!!! Tell any Repugs that plague your life how healthy a whole tub or two of butter a day is. Tell them 3 is the magic number! Tell them it's the ultimate in guaranteeing a long life of being a good little Nazi. Hell, send them a couple of cases and be sure to include a nice big tablespoon. And, you know they'll love that picture of their very own Adolf!
2. How 'bout a nice mug, a Trump Mug! A mug that features their favorite sexual abuser! That seems to be what Republicans love about their Dear Leader the most right now, doesn't it? I mean every damn day some new "Trump Rapist Of The Day" is put forward to run something in "our" government, all with the cheering approval of Dear Leader's 76,000,000 voters. So, here's the thing: Suggest to the Repugs you know that they should melt a whole pound of "I Can't Believe It's Not Hitler," pour it into one of these spiffy "Trump Is A Thug" mugs, put a dab of ketchup on it and drink it all down in one giant gulp. Ask them to send me a clip of them doing so. Tell them it goes great with some extra salty McDonald fries. Defibrillator not included. And, no, they can't call the town First Aid ambulance. That would be socialism if it's paid for with taxes! Can't have that! Any chest pains, they're on their own! Freedom!!!!!
3. And speaking of ketchup, sooner or later, a Republican you know might, if miracles still happen, realize that their orange god hasn't delivered what he promised, ie. that gas prices have gone up, not down, that affordable new cars no longer exist at all, and that black and brown children still go to the same schools that their kids do. If that's the case, won't they want to do what their Dear Leader Traitor Don does when things don't meet his expectations? That's right! A few dozen bottles of ketchup oughta come in handy! Gotta throw something! Be sure to make it the glass bottles, not those plastic ones... so bad for the environment!
4. An actual worm from inside the brain of RFK, Jr.? Would your republican acquaintances eat it? Of course! You know they would. They'd line up for it, especially if Trump told them to! Hmmm, crunchy worm!!! Why not make them some nice Noah's Worm Dip™, too? I'll send you the recipe or you can make up your own! Don't worry, if they have some hesitation, just tell them they can play it safe by washing it down with a few shot glasses of bleach. Give them that for a gift, too, out of all your Christmas spirit and generosity.
5. Did I say shot glasses? You bet I did! You know they're going to need a glass for drinking that bleach! Make it easy for them! Will it be The Arnold Palmer or The Donald Trump? Be nice. Offer them an either or choice of one of the above. You know which one they'll go for, and that's a good thing since they'll be drinking more bleach. Damn! I should be president. I offer real solutions for real problems!
By the way, I know I mentioned that I have a dream. It is however, like many dreams, a metaphor of multiple levels and you know I'm into multiple meanings! This'll give you a bit of a clue about my dream for Trump. He is a glutton, afterall!
Guestcrapper sure is one lost, intellectually deficient dude. If he ever went to school, he must have really frustrated his teachers. I bet if Noah took guestcrapper to gallery to see a conceptual art exhibit, he'd just start screaming at the pieces and be so self-centered he'd have no idea of their purpose.
Great one, Noah! I see what you're doing. You have a keen sense of the human mind.
"The people that run the Democratic Party weren't half as smart. They left a void or vacuum in that area..."
Yeah. and who is it that elected the people that run the democrap party? And now stupid are they?
You always sneak up on it, but never pounce. I wish you would pounce. We're never getting out of this unless a whole lotta yous start pouncing.