Skippy Poilievre Wouldn't Last Two Minutes If He Acceded To Trump's Demand To Absorb Canada

There Is A Town In North Ontario...

There must be some way to leave Wyoming, the Dakotas, Utah, Alberta & Saskatchewan behind with the Confederates

Unlike with Greenland and Panama, Trump says he doesn’t intend to use military force to annex Canada— just economic power. Many people are wondering if he’s lost his marbles. Short answer: yes. “Because Canada and the United States, that would really be something. You get rid of that artificially drawn line, and you take a look at what that looks like, and it would also be much better for national security,” said Trump during his rambling, disjointed press conference yesterday. Canadian from across the political spectrum have denounced Trump's unhinged remarks about their country.

Truthfully, Canada never felt that much like a foreign country to me. When I was a teenager, my girlfriend and I decided to hitchhike to the North Pole. We only got as far as Montreal and we loved it and hung out there all summer before going home for the fall semester. Years later, I taught at McGill and I felt completely at home there. Canadian students seemed pretty much like American students, maybe a little more polite and attentive. At Warner Bros we always had Canadian artists— Neil Young, Alanis Morissette, kd lang, Barenaked Ladies, Joni Mitchell, Meryn Cadell, Tegan and Sara, who mostly really did feel a lot like American artists.

Still, I don’t expect Trump’s allure— and subtle threats— are going to go over all that well. Canada has resisted U.S. attempts to absorb it in the past, going all the way back to the American Revolution when in 1775 the American rebels launched the Invasion of Quebec to encourage the Canadians to join the rebellion. They didn’t join and the invasion failed, the Canadians remaining loyal to Britain. During the War of 1812, the U.S. tried to conquer Canada again, fueled by expansionist ambitions and resentment toward Britain’s influence. American forces invaded multiple times, but were repelled. The Treaty of Ghent ended the war, leaving the border unchanged. The 19th-century ideology of Manifest Destiny fueled American expansionist dreams, including visions of incorporating Canada. They remained visions as Canadians opted to retain their strong ties to Britain and identify as part of the British Empire. 

Canada’s move toward Confederation in 1867 created a sense of unity and national identity, reducing any appeal of merging with the U.S. and the new federal structure, protected by Britain, solidified Canada’s sovereignty. Canada’s parliamentary system, ties to the British monarchy, and preference for more collectivist policies contrasted sharply with America’s republicanism and individualism. In general, Canadians view U.S. politics as chaotic and divisive, making integration unappealing. 

Over time, Canada developed its own trade relationships and economic policies that were distinct from the U.S. Canadian nationalism grew stronger in the 20th century, with many Canadians viewing American cultural and economic dominance as a threat rather than an opportunity. On top of that, Quebec’s— and to a lesser extend New Brunswick’s— distinct French identity further complicated any idea of assimilation into an Anglo-American framework.

Today, Señor Trumpanzee or not, the idea of merging the two countries is generally dismissed as unrealistic. Canada values its sovereignty and distinct identity, while the U.S., until this month, has shown little serious interest in annexation since the 19th century. The two countries maintain a strong partnership but remain politically separate due to their differing systems, histories, and cultural values. Trump's claim about Canadians loving the idea of becoming the “51st state” and his framing of economic and security benefits is already stirring significant controversy in Canada because Canadians generally take great pride in their sovereignty and cultural distinctiveness. Trump's jabbering about anschluss is provoking a defensive reaction, with most Canadians seeing it as arrogant and dismissive of their independence. 

More than a few people see this whole Trump eruption as a kind of revenge for Melanie flirting with— if not fucking— Justin Trudeau, who is far more vigorous, charismatic, intelligent and handsome than Trump. Meanwhile, Elon Musk is working to replace Justin Trudeau with sharp-elbowed neo-fascist Pierre “Skippy” Poilievre, an anti-union fanatic who opposes a minimum wage and whines incessantly about “woke.”