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Writer's pictureNoah

Republicans Find A New Thing To Fear And It's A Beer!



by Noah The epidemic of Republican mental illness grows and grows and grows, like the cancer that Republicanism is. Republicans always go out of their way to find new targets for the hate and fear energy that sustains them. Once a new one, or a variation of an old one, is announced, the hate target goes viral. It can be Disney, M&Ms, Dragtime Story Hours, any group of non-caucasian people, or, revealingly, anything at all, directly or otherwise, to do with sex, sexuality, and/or gender politics. This year, it's trans people. In the near future, when that runs its course, don't be surprised if republicans start lashing out at people with freckles. All it will take is some knuckle-dragging ape goon like Tucker Carlson calling people with freckles "brown-spotted people" and the game will be on. Even more likely with Republicans, it will be people with birthmarks and state legislators all across the nation will be demanding full body checks just like they tellingly want genitalia checks of teens right now.

Right now, though, Republicans are obsessed with a beer brand, Bud Light. Why? Must be some sex connection, right? Well, it seems that Bud Light ran some sort of sweepstakes, an entrant named Dylan Mulvaney, who happens to be guilty in republican eyes of being trans, put a picture of herself on a Bud Light can and filmed a video of it, it became a TikTok hit and Bud Light, now partnered with her, publicized it. Next thing ya know, a wackadoodle recording "artist" named Kid Rock pulls a Ted Nugent and films a video of himself shooting cans of Bud Light. Beavis, meet Butthead. The subliminal message is, of course, that "it's time to start shooting these trans weirdos." That's what they want, of course. Republican bloodlust.


Now, it turns out that Republikooks across the land are starting to realize that Bud Light is owned by Anheuser-Busch, a beer corporation that just happens to be a major contributor to Republican campaigns. Even Don Jr. woke up from one of his stupors long enough to express doubts about attacking Bud Light. The result? Republikooks of all stripes pointing fingers at each other to assess blame for making themselves look exceedingly stupid yet again.



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4 Comments


Guest
Apr 24, 2023

funny. but the A-B division of Inbev has suspended the two marketing people who screwed the pooch and upset their nazi party beneficiaries of their bribery.


in america, that's what's known as a win-win(-lose). bud gets a lot of free pub (and they'll bend the knee and make amends); the nazis get to exploit hatred even more; and all y'all who vote for democraps get to talk about something you and your party won't ever do anything about.

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Jesse Salisbury
Jesse Salisbury
Apr 24, 2023


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Jesse Salisbury
Jesse Salisbury
Apr 24, 2023


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Jesse Salisbury
Jesse Salisbury
Apr 24, 2023


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