by Noah
Would it shock you to hear an announcement that Dancing With The Stars or The Masked Singer had booked Trump lawyer Alina Habba? Which would you prefer? Does it matter? They're both essentially the same mindless show, modern day equivalents of The Lawrence Welk Show of long, long ago. It wouldn't shock me a bit if Alina Habba appeared on one or both of them next week. Sure, why not? The people behind these shows design them for people with an 80 IQ (on their best days) and have rarely if ever presented themselves as pillars of decency or anything but trash television so I bet they're battling right now over being the first to book Habba as you read this. I'm writing this on Tuesday morning so, who knows, maybe it's already done and Alina's on her way to Hollywood instead of GITMO. I have to say though that rather than TV, she's more suited to a women's prison film or, even more appropriate, a John Waters movie with her playing an attorney ill-equipped to handle reality and Trump in the Divine role. "Hi, I'm Alina Habba. I'm not a lawyer but I play one in the new John Waters film "Collagen OD!"
Still, when you look at some of the criminals, politicos, and near cretins these Dancing and Masked shows have featured before, it's to be expected: For every person like Cher or Patti Labelle who have talent and a decent reputation, there's a Sean Spicer, (the assclown who did a wild exaggeration of the "crowd" at Diaper Don's inauguration and ended up literally hiding himself in the bushes on the White House lawn), Rudy Giuliani (the wannabe Borat porn star and GOP treason co-conspirator who oozes black goo from his brain for the cameras instead), former Alaska Governor, former VP candidate, and Laurne Boebert prototype Sarah Palin (She literally pulled a Karl Rove and rapped Sir Mix-A-Lot's classic "Baby Got Back" on Masked Singer), former Texas Governor and Energy Secretary Rick Perry (whose flickering synapses caused him to mumble, bumble, and fumble his way through the debates in two primary seasons, and then, pathetically, he started wearing glasses only because he thought they helped him "fake smart" not unlike Ms. Habba), and, let's not forget TV freak show host and former mayor of Cincinnati Jerry Springer (who tried to rehabilitate himself by being a progressive talk radio guy). To be fair, and I'm always fair, Springer was not half bad at the talk radio thing. It's just that your reputation can color everything else you do in your life. Got that, Alina?
Maybe I should put together a show called The Masked Dancer and have Alina as contestant number one. I bet she does a great Elaine Benes imitation without even trying. Meanwhile, music maven that I am, please check out this performance of Guy Singer's "Whither Thou Goest" here performed by the great Leonard Cohen and see how much of the lyric content matches with your perception of the relationship between Diaper Donnie and Alina.
nah. she's destined for the supreme court in trump's nazi reich.