by Noah
Dateline Washington, DC.
In a joint announcement, Speaker Of The House Mike Johnson and RNC Chair Ronna Romney McDaniel have announced the release of their first blurred photo of a January 6 coup participant. Says, Johnson:
Good Nazis, er, a, we Republicans always deliver and we keep our word! We promised you blurred photos and blurred photos ye shall have! As you can see, we have blurred the photo here of one of the 1/6 tourist visitors in order to keep the DOJ from being able to identify and harass him. The DOJ will be at a loss when it comes to identifying him! The Lord told me to do this and, as you all know, he speaks to me all the time. Sometimes he comes through loud and clear on my car radio. Sometimes, he's sitting right there in my passenger seat! Just last week, he came to me in the form of a robin outside my window and told me how to blur a photo. Praise be to Jesus! He's helping me on that porn thing, too. The laptops my son and I have at home are just working too slow now but all things are possible with God!
Added McDaniel
This is just the beginning. Our next photo release will be coming your way just as soon as we can get rid of some mysterious vertical black streaking. Also, Mike and his teenage son have generously invited me over this weekend to help them with their household porno storage crisis. Rep. Matt Gaetz has kindly offered to come and assist us. This is the teamwork that the Republican Party offers! Praise be to baby Jesus and a Merry Christmas to all who contribute to the RNC!
A spokesperson for the Department Of Justice offered no comment.
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