The Musk Motto: "Built To Fail!"
by Noah
Imagine you're driving along on the Interstate and the Tesla Cybertruck in front of you starts falling apart due to the cheap glue they use to paste them together. It's bad enough when one of them hits a pothole on your street. When those Musk SpaceX rockets suddenly explode at an alarming rate, his PR flaks don't call it a failure. Instead, they always pull some cya phrase like "unscheduled rapid disassembly" right out of their butts. Can you say, irony?
When, despite the record number of recalls, Tesla's Cybertrucks, aka the ugliest vehicles ever made, fall apart, the Musk people say there's a problem with the glue that they've been using instead of nuts and bolts or welding. That's right, glue. I wonder what else Musk people use the glue for. Does it go well with ketamine? Does it come in a brown paper bag?
Here's a true story: I've never seen a regular Tesla sedan burst into flames or crash into a highway divider while in driverless mode. The odds are, however, that I will soon enough, but one day, about a month ago, I went outside and the first thing I saw was one of those hideous Cybertrucks. Those things are truly a reflection of Musk himself and the people who drive them, too. This one was illegally parked on the corner of my street. It was literally jutting out enough towards the intersection that it would have inhibited a fire engine from making a right turn if it had to, not that that would have been that much of a problem if I was driving the firetruck. I would have asserted my right of way and steered right over it, crushing it into scrap. Then someone could collect it and display the mess somewhere as a work of art. I'd call the piece "Liberty & Justice For All." But, I digress.
The great thing about what I saw that day was that a group of 5 young teenage boys, filled with their boundless afterschool energy, were giving the ugly Muskmobile the respect it deserved, ie. none whatsoever. As I waited to cross the street, there they were, pointing at it, laughing, and making gag gestures as one by one they took out their phones to take pictures using the hideous monstrosity as a backdrop. Their running dialogue was hilarious and I was pleased to note that they knew who was responsible for the crime against eyesight in front of them. As I crossed the street, I told them they should piss on it. I don't know if they did. I just kept on walking.
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