by Noah
So I guess now we'll be seeing Richard Branson taking Sir Patrick Stewart up for a quickie ride in space. Where does this end? Captain Janeway from Voyager? The Ferengi guys from Deep Space Nine? Why stop at the Star Trek franchise? How about Han Solo and Chewbacca? I suppose former presidents are a possibility. After all, Daddy Bush used to like jumping out of airplanes on his birthday. We could send Bill Clinton but he's in the hospital with an "infection." No doubt probably gonorrhea.
Trump in space! That I would like to see. All you'd have to do is convince him that Obama already took a secret trip to the moon or to those child labor camps on Mars that republicans are always yapping about. Do it Donnie! Of course, I would like to convince him that the new astronaut suits are of the orange jumpsuit variety. "Here Mr. Ex-President, put this on, great photo-op and all that." "Hey, anyone got a catheter in extra small?"
The thing about Bezos is though, it'll never happen but we should deny him reentry until he really does start paying his fair share of taxes. Besides, he's revealing himself to be a more and more disgusting individual each time he lands. Did you see him abuse old man Shatner? Just like Trump, he couldn't handle someone else getting attention. The 90 year old William Shatner was in the middle of saying something actually meaningful and a bit profound but little Jeffy couldn't have that so he grabbed the champagne bottle and started shaking it up and squirting it all over the place like a dog marking his territory. As if the symbolism of his blue penismobile toy wasn't enough. We get it Jeff. You're massively insecure and no number of billions can buy you that. Fuck off.
If trump, bannon, jared and ivanka were sent up and it blew up like the Challenger, I might be inclined to reconsider the existence of a god.