by Noah
Dateline Mar-A-Lago!
Remember Trump Wine? Well, with the current Republican urine drinking craze, the Trump Crime Family, moving at warp speed, has wasted no time in announcing their latest business venture: Trump Bottled Urine! As a unique marketing ploy, the Trump Crime Family is offering their line of bottled urine products in 2 separate classes known as Trump Extra Gold™ and MAGA Piss™! Ivanka Trump herself, and Rep. Lauren Boebert will be the spokespersons for Trump Extra Gold™ and the cheaper MAGA Piss™ respectively. Says Ivanka Trump:
I know how much daddy loves all things pee. It's the why he wants everything around him to be gold so, with the help of engineers and plumbing experts sent over by Russia, we've turned Trump Tower in New York into a giant urine factory with huyuuge gold vats full of fresh Trump Urine™ and, believe me, we're working overtime to meet some pretty crazy production schedules! We've even got a firehose stuffed in Eric's mouth and we're pumping imported beer in there as fast as possible! Boy, can my brother produce pee! That I can tell you! Don't worry, I've been doing my part! Daddy wouldn't have it any other way!
As for what sources are used for MAGA Piss™, it is being reported that large Trump tanker trucks have been seen entering and leaving the garage located under the FOX News Corp building. When asked if the self-disgraced ex-president and Don, Jr. are being used as pee sources for the company, Ivanka said-
We considered it but then my husband said we could get in trouble due to the drug content. Along similar lines, we considered Steve Bannon as a source for MAGA Piss™ but even we wouldn't do that to our idiot followers and supporters. I mean they'll buy anything with our name on it but Steve Bannon's piss? No way. We are considering the possibilities of an embalming fluid product, though.
Parting Shot: Here's a thought. Since so many Republicans are so anti-vax but are outright stupid enough to think that drinking pee cures COVID, how about this: When they get COVID and go to the hospital, they are refused entry and simply handed a little urine sample jar, told to pee in it and go home and drink it. Republicans always talk about being responsible for your own healthcare so here's a prime opportunity to prove they believe it.
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