Midnight Meme Of The Day! An Open Letter To Trump, From Author Tom Breuer

AKA Aldous J. Pennyfarthing*

by Noah

Since the weather outside where I live is finally hinting at Spring, I thought that this is the perfect time to lead off a week with what you see below. It's a vintage open letter that first went viral in 2020 but had originally been published in 2017. It was incorrectly attributed to Tommy Lee, the infamous drummer for the multi-platinum rock band Motley Crue when he placed it on his Facebook page back then. There's a bit of a lesson there about the perils of social media but that is not what this post is meant to be about. More importantly, the open letter, regardless of who wrote it, says what millions if not billions of people in today's world of 2025 are thinking and saying even if no one with the power to do anything is acting.

Breuer's letter is a little aged, aged like a fine fromage, but things have only gotten worse with The Diaper Don's new regime and no one in power has the eloquence of the original author, or the righteous nerve to say what he has said here. It is as unexpected as it is wonderful. Thank you Aldous!!!!! Frankly, I can think of 535 people currently in Congress who should have said the exact same thing but, at this time, I see no reason why they couldn't or shouldn't now, immediately stand up in a joint session and read the whole thing, word for fucking word in unison, into the Congressional Record. A Greek Chorus for our time. And, of course, this should be a national prime time broadcast.

The quote I used for the above meme came from Jonathan Karl's "Winning" and it partners well with Pennyfarthing's missive. "Winning" is a fine book about the psychopath whose uber smugly photo appears to the left of the quote. In Karl's book, the quote is unattributed but, unlike Traitor Don, Jonathan Karl is a man of integrity and one must also put the quote in the context of other things that we absolutely know to have been said about Trump by some of those who were closest to him during his first administration, people like first term Secretary Of State Rex Tillerson who notably called Trump a moron, and first term Chief Of Staff General John Kelly who found himself uncomfortable with his boss's affinity for Hitler. It seems that neither man, although they went to work for Trump once, was sycophantic or psychotic enough to join Dear Leader for a second term.

So, without further ado...

An Open Letter To The President

Dear Fucking Lunatic,

At your recent press conference— more a word salad that had a stroke and fell down stairs, you were CLEARLY so out of your depth you needed scuba gear. Within minutes of going off air your minions were backpedaling faster than Cirque De Soliel acrobats... In India a week ago, i couldn’t get past the bit about your being the most popular visitor in the history of fucking india— a country of a BILLION human souls that’s only 3000 years old, give or take.!!! Trust me— Gandhi pulled CROWDS... You pulled a cricket stadium and half WALKED out...

Do you know how fucking insane you sound, you off-brand butt plug? That's like the geopolitical equivalent of “that stripper really likes me”— only 10,000 times crazier and less self aware. 

You are fucking exhausting. Every day is a natural experiment in determining how long 300 million people can resist coring out their own assholes with an ice auger. Every time I hear a snippet of your Queens-tinged banshee larynx farts, I want to scream! We are fucking tired. As bad as we all thought your presidency would be when Putin got you elected, it’s been inestimably worse. You called a hostile, nuclear-armed head of state “short and fat.” How the fuck does that help?

You accused a woman— a former friend, no less— of showing up at your resort bleeding from the face and begging to get in. You, you, YOU— the guy who looks like a Christmas haggis inexplicably brought to life by Frosty’s magic hat— yes, you of all people said that.

You attempted— with evident fucking glee— to get 24 million people thrown off their health insurance. You gave billions away to corporations and the already wealthy while simultaneously telling struggling poor people that you were doing exactly the opposite. You endorsed a pedophile, praised brutal dictators, and defended LITERAL FUCKING NAZIS!

Ninety-nine percent of everything you say is either false, crazy, incoherent, just plain cruel, or a rancid paella of all four. Oh, by the way, Puerto Rico is still FUBAR. You got yourself and your family billions in tax breaks for Christmas. What do they get? More paper towels? Enough, enough, enough, enough! For the love of God and all that is holy, good, and pure, would you please, finally and forever, shut your feculent KFC-hole until you have something valuable— or even marginally civil— to say?

You are a fried dick sandwich with a side of schlongs. If chlamydia and gonorrhea had a son, you’d appoint him HHS secretary. You are a disgraceful, pustulant hot stew full of casuistry, godawful ideas, unintelligible non sequiturs, and malignant rage. You are the perfect circus orangutan diaper from Plato’s World of Forms.

So fuck you Mr. President. And fuck you forever.

Oh, and Pence, you oleaginous house ferret. Fuck you, too. You'll be as useful as a chocolate teapot against a medical crisis you Bible thumping cock socket.   

There you go. That's downright Shakespearean if you ask me and I have no doubt that Shakespeare would see the whole Trump story as fodder for one of his plays!

*Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is the author of "Dear Fucking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters To Doanald Trump." As Tom Breuer, he has written or co-written "The Brotherhood Of The Disappearing Pants, A Field Guide To Conservative Sex Scandals" plus "Fair And Balanced, My Ass: An Unbridled Look At The Bizarre Reality Of FOX News," and more.