Ken Paxton And His Insane Wife Angela Are Obsessed With Preventing Masturbation In Texas

They Want To Move To DC

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is officially running for the Senate— against Republican John Cornyn— a very conservative senior GOP leader. Paxton isn’t just a bad candidate. He’s a walking indictment of everything broken in modern Republican politics: criminally corrupt, ethically bankrupt and completely unfit to represent Texas—or any state, really—on the national stage. If John Cornyn is a careerist and little more than a hollow husk of a man drifting through Senate hallways on autopilot, Ken Paxton is a ticking time bomb actively trying to blow up what little integrity remains in public office.

Let’s not mince words: Ken Paxton is a crook. He’s been under felony indictment for securities fraud for nearly a decade. Not months. Not a year. A decade. What other job could you keep while facing felony charges for ten years straight? Only in Texas politics does someone get indicted, dodge trial after trial, and still manage to climb the ladder.

And just last year, he was impeached by his own party— a Republican-led Texas House— for bribery, obstruction of justice, and abusing his office to help a sleazy real estate donor. The charges weren’t partisan inventions. These were brought forward by conservative Republicans who finally had enough of Paxton’s slimy antics. And though he skated through the Texas Senate trial thanks to a GOP cover-up operation, the evidence was damning. Whistleblowers from his own office testified under oath. Paxton, like a mob boss, used state power to protect a political sugar daddy under FBI investigation. Then he fired the aides who spoke up— and cost taxpayers over $6 million in retaliation payouts.

But Paxton’s corruption isn’t just personal. It’s political— and existentially dangerous. He’s not just some crooked small-time grifter or just some Texas swamp creature lining his own pockets. He’s deeply embedded in the most extreme, authoritarian wing of the Republican Party. This is a man who used his office to try and overturn the 2020 presidential election, filing a junk lawsuit to the Supreme Court that even his own staff warned was legally embarrassing. It was so devoid of merit that the Court laughed it out of existence, but not before Paxton earned the devotion of Señor Trumpanzyy and the darkest corners of MAGA-world. Bannon loved it. And now Paxton has a golden ticket to the deranged MAGA primary base.

He’s a regular on far-right podcasts, cozying up to every anti-democracy creep who’ll have him— Bannon, Charlie Kirk, the whole clown car. He speaks their language: conspiracies, revenge politics, and pure nihilism. He’s not just pandering to the fringe— he is the fringe. That’s why he’s become the de facto poster boy for the Texas GOP’s authoritarian wing, the same faction that wants to secede from the union, criminalize abortion from conception, gut voting rights, and abolish public education. Inside Texas GOP politics, he’s aligned with the election deniers, the Christian nationalists, the book banners, the secessionists and the absolute worst actors poisoning the state party. The GOP convention has basically turned into his fan club— and they booed Cornyn like he was a member of Antifa. The Texas GOP platform is already a fever dream. Electing Ken Paxton to the U.S. Senate would turn it into a blueprint for national collapse.

Let’s be real: John Cornyn is no hero. He’s a reliable foot soldier for the billionaire class and the gun lobby. But at least he operates in the realm of observable reality. Ken Paxton is trying to drag the entire state— and the country— into a MAGA hellscape fueled by lies, vengeance, and straight-up lawlessness.

And there’s more: the wife, state Senator Angela Paxton, represents a mostly backward rural district in the northeast corner of the state— Rains and Hunt counties and a piece of Collin. For some context, in 2020, Rains voted 86% Trump, Hunt was 77% and Collin (which is part of the Dallas Metro) 54%. Last week, before her husband had officially announced he’s running, the Dallas Observer reported on her unending crusade against masturbation. Her new bill would require online shoppers to submit photo identification before purchasing a sex toy. The wife is as sick and disturbed as the husband.

Like the sex-focused bills that have come before, Senate Bill 3003 claims to home in on the protection of minors by regulating the online sale of “obscene devices” to those under 18. According to the Texas Penal Code, an obscene device is qualified as “a device including a dildo or artificial vagina, designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.”

The bill would make selling and distributing sex toys to a minor or failing to implement an age-verification process at the point of sale a Class A misdemeanor, punishable by up to one year in jail and a fine of $4,000. The bill also imposes a $5,000 civil penalty per offense. Acceptable age-verification processes include submitting government-issued photographic identification, utilizing third-party verification services that access public records to verify age and limiting sales to payment methods only available to those 18 and up. While the bill does not prohibit the online sale of sex toys, it does create barriers for individuals wanting to indulge in healthy onanism by introducing identification submission.

“Requiring ID to purchase a sex toy sends the message that pleasure is something to be policed and surveilled,” said Dr. Shamyra Howard, a licensed clinical social worker sex educator for We-Vibe, a couples sexual wellness brand. “It pathologizes something that is completely normal and turns a private, healthy act into something shameful. This kind of legislation doesn’t protect people; it embarrasses them. It creates unnecessary barriers and reinforces harmful stigmas that many of us have spent years trying to dismantle.”

But Senate Bill 3003 ignores an immutable truth, Howard said. Texans use sex toys for a plethora of pleasureful purposes. According to a research study conducted by We-Vibe, only 34% of Texans own a sex toy, but 77.6% masturbate to relieve stress and 15.5% partake to relieve menstrual pain. 

“What’s often overlooked is that sex toys are not just about pleasure. They’re also part of comprehensive sexual wellness,” Howard said. “Men use them too, both for pleasure and to manage erectile issues, neuropathy from diabetes and poor blood flow related to high blood pressure. There are devices designed to support pain management, pelvic floor health, sex toys even help people manage mental health issues through stress relief and help to re-establish intimacy after medical procedures or trauma.”

The legislative attack on sex is the next chapter for dampening women’s rights, says Howard.

“These restrictions absolutely function as a proxy attack on women’s sexual autonomy,” she said. “Sex toys are tools of empowerment. They allow people, especially women, to explore their pleasure, address sexual concerns, and experience intimacy on their own terms. That challenges traditional gender roles that often expect women to be passive participants in their own pleasure.”

The helicoptering of sex toy sales through online age verification processes brings with it concerns about data collection and privacy violations, according to the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF). The EFF has been vocal about its disapproval of existing age verification laws in Texas that limit access to porn sites.  

"Texas’ age verification law robs internet users of anonymity, exposes them to privacy and security risks, and blocks some adults entirely from accessing sexual content that’s protected under the First Amendment,” said EFF Staff Attorney Lisa Femia said in a press release. “Applying longstanding Supreme Court precedents, other courts have consistently held that similar age verification laws are unconstitutional.”

…While Texans may be wary of uploading their government-issued identification to an unknown portal regulated by a third party in hopes of purchasing a phallic device and overnight shipping it to their doorstep, their sex-toy-buying options may be drying up. If House Bill 1549 passes, grocery and convenience stores would be prohibited from selling sex toys. 

…“In Texas, we’re seeing a pattern of proposed legislation that reflects a discomfort with pleasure, intimacy and personal agency,” said Howard. “Especially when it comes to women and marginalized communities. These attacks aren’t about protection; they’re about control.”

The Paxtons, collectively, are heading the age-verification for explicit materials movement. An age-verification law that requires porn sites to collect identification from their visitors is currently being defended by the attorney general at the Supreme Court. Porn industry leaders claim the law violates the First Amendment rights of porn perusers. 

“As you may know, your elected officials in Texas are requiring us to verify your age before allowing you access to our website,” reads Pornhub’s site. “Not only does this impinge on the rights of adults to access protected speech, it fails strict scrutiny by employing the least effective and yet also most restrictive means of accomplishing Texas’s stated purpose of allegedly protecting minors.”

…Howard says simply filing bills like SB 3003 sends a message to Texas women. 

“[This] chips away at bodily autonomy and fuels a culture of shame, particularly for women and marginalized folks who have historically been punished for claiming their own pleasure,” she said. “Sex toys are not the problem. Shame is. And this kind of ID requirement only deepens that shame while doing nothing to promote real public health or safety.”