I Lived In Manhattan— On A Friend's Couch For A Few Months... Does That Qualify Me For Jury Duty?

I always dodge jury duty. I’m too busy. I tried it once and hated everything about it; I don’t want anything to do with it. But, given a chance to be on the Trump jury… I’d do or say anything to be on that jury. I’d pay to be on that jury. My hatred for Trump is well-documented here at DWT so you probably know I wouldn’t even try to be impartial. All I would do is advocate for the death penalty. I was really disappointed about this little Twitter poll yesterday— so few people want him to get the death penalty… less than 20%! What's wrong with people!

So could I be impartial? Of course not… but I would lie and say I could be though— and then start advocating for the death penalty. Yesterday, Washington Post reporters Ali Paybarah and Michael Cadenhead asked a dozen New Yorkers if they could be impartial. A couple of the people were right on but… reading some of the responses made me think I should move back to a country where I couldn’t understand the language. Life is so much simpler that way. Some of these people sound like they just fell off the back of a hay wagon.

They wrote that Manhattan is a borough where just 12% of the voters cast ballots for Trump 4 years ago. But they seem to have found some of them. These are excerpts from some of the interviews. You can read all 12 in their entirety here.

They started off with a guy who seemed exactly the kind of juror Trump is hoping for, Adam Wilson, a 49 year old guy who lives on the Upper West Side and who works in e-commerce. He said he could be impartial because he doesn’t pay too much attention to politics; he finds it too stressful. He finds Trump to be “a decent guy... I don’t think he’s any worse than Biden, to be honest.”

Their second guy was Donald Williams, a 56 year old barber who lives in Chelsea. He said he could be impartial too. “I was actually really impressed with Donald Trump, because he was an entrepreneur and stuff like that. One thing I do like about him: He states how he feels. And that’s one thing I like. I like to be with someone, to know how they really feel.” He said he would like to serve on the jury; I’m sure Trump would like that too.

They we finally got a normal person, Ava Delaney, a 23 year old actor and musician from the West Village. She said she could try to be impartial but “I think it would be impossible, I think there really is no alternative. Like what can be argued but his faults in so many infinite things.” She recalled that when she was 15 and in high school and a young queer person when he got elected. “It was heartbreaking at the time, for sure.”

I wanted to slit my wrists when I read what George Rivera, a 65 year old hospital worker in East Harlem had to say. He’s a moron and didn’t;’t know what the word “impartial meant” but when the interviewer explained it to him he said he could be and would be happy to be on the jury. When asked what he thinks of Trump, he said “Me, as a New Yorker I can’t judge him for who he is. Basically, I can only judge him by the way he carries himself, especially in the White House. I liked the way he handled himself in the White House, and I think he brung America back to its feet… I like him. I agree in everything that he has said, because what he said is true. It has to be true. It can’t be false, because if it’s false and he can be brung up on charges.”

I was saved from suicide when they brung in Ann O’Brien, a retired 71 year old from Lower Manhattan who admitted that she couldn’t be impartial. “Listen, I can’t stand Donald Trump, so I guess the answer is no. I mean, he’s as crooked as you can find in a person… Everything he does is fraudulent.”

Jon DeVries a 77 year old actor from Lower Manhattan, was up next and he also had a good head on his shoulders and recalled that the first time he heard Trump’s name was “around the time when he was moving homeless people into one of his buildings in order to scare the other residents out, the rent-protected residents out. That was the first time. Second time was when he convicted, all by himself, all five of those young men in the Central Park case.” He said it would be difficult being impartial but he’d be willing to try.

They then interviewed someone so stupid that I’ll just skip over him— a 24 year old, who was perhaps the politically dumbest person I’ve ever heard speaking, who said, among other things, that “I used to love Donald Trump before he became president. Yeah. I love old Donald Trump back in the ’80s, before I knew all the bad things, essentially. It’s a real shame that you have one perspective of somebody and then one circumstance changes everything. Now currently, do I like who I currently have for president? I would say probably no. But I wouldn’t mind seeing Donald Trump go for a second run.”

A 76 year old retired educator from the Upper West Side, Crystal Clemens, restored my faith in New Yorkers a little, beginning by admitting she couldn’t be impartial. “I think I would throw the book at him.

I’ll skip the next few dullards. Paybarah Michael Cadenhead then explained what a typical Manhattan jury looks like. “Juries here usually have slightly more women than men, more White people than people of color, and more folks between the ages of 25 and 64 than any other ages. That is based on information from a 2022 report by New York State officials who surveyed people that served on juries in Manhattan. Based on data from that survey, a typical 12-person jury in Manhattan would include six women, five men and one person who identifies as transgender, nonbinary or in some other way. There would be about seven White people, two Hispanic people, one Black person, one Asian person and one person who is mixed or some other race. One would be between 18 and 24 years old, five would be between 25 and 44 years old, four would be between 45 and 64; two would be between 65 and 75, and one person would be 75 years or older. Are you curious about the actual questions jurors will be asked? New York Supreme Court Justice Juan Merchan released the questionnaire.”