GOON-O-RAMA, 2021 In Review, Part 7: Republicans In Their Own Words 2021.2

-by Noah

Ah, Republicans! The more they talk and text, the more they reveal about themselves. Let's get right to the second installment of "Republicans In Their Own Words" for 2021.

1. Rep. Gym Jordan (See above): Ah, Ohio's finest! Someone could fill a whole 1000 page book with the imbecilic words of Gym Shower Jordan, the infamous pedo defender. In this case, he thinks he's being funny and clever by asking if non-nazis think Santa should wear a mask but that's like me asking if, when Santa comes down the chimney in a republican home, should he be wearing a bulletproof vest. Come to think of it, if republican inspired nutballs keep shooting people, it won't be long before a bulletproof vest will be on every schoolkid's list for Santa. In the near future, it'll be just like needing a backpack.

I do know why Gym rarely wears a jacket. It's a hint, a subconscious hint, a cry for help from Gym that he's hoping someone will slide him into a straitjacket and cart him back to the asylum. That day can't come too soon but I'll settle for nothing less for Jordan than a prison orange jumpsuit and chains.

2. Lt. General Walter E. Piatt: We are just starting to hear more about Walter Piatt as revelations seep out of the House 1/6 Investigation Committee. It's sure looking a lot like Piatt is of the Benedict Arnold school of generals; Trump's generals to be specific. As all hell was breaking loose at the Capitol Building and people in various positions, especially Capitol Police Chief Steven Sund who requested help six times, were pleading for the National Guard to be sent in, Piatt was at the Pentagon effectively playing a card for the Orange Menace. While the Republican Party's typical mob of red-hatted white supremacists was breaking in and beating on the police with whatever they brought with them and whatever they could find while carrying Confederate and Trump nazi flags, throwing excrement on the walls and screaming "Hang Mike Pence" and trying to hunt down Speaker Pelosi, AOC, and others, Piatt had this to say:

I don't like the visual of the National Guard standing a police line with the Capitol in the background.

Yep, no way was Piatt going to stop the coup attempt. Apparently, the visuals of cops being given heart attacks from over the top tazing, bear-sprayed, beaten to death with fire extinguishers, having their hands broken, eyes gouged out, etc. not to mention an Air Force veteran, deluded as she was being shot and killed by a guard at the entrance to the House chamber was as preferable to Gen. Piatt as it was to Trump. Just a cost of doing the will of the boss, I suppose.

3. Rep. Greg Steube (Floridian Imbecile): It's important to spread the word about republican politicos we've never heard of before. There thousands of stone wacko nazis not just in the House like this goon but in legislatures and on city councils and schoolboards all over the country. The nazis have been very skillful in their infiltration. Call Greg Steube a Floridian Imbecile or just plain republican. Is there any difference at the bottom line? Doesn't matter when you're a back bencher in a communal outhouse. Here's Steube's contribution. He's referring to having to go through metal detectors to get into the Capitol. He's lucky he doesn't have to pass a sanity test or take an IQ test:

I would be remiss if I didn't address the atrocity occurring right here on the House floor today. Take note America. This is what you have to look forward to in the Joe Biden administration.

Greg Steube feels special. He feels entitled. He feels he shouldn't have to walk through a metal detector even though his Republican colleagues want to kill their co-workers and sided with the mob that wanted to kill on 1/6. Jeez, Greg, I guess you never went to Jury Duty. I know you didn't make it to high school. I also know that we can't visit a major corporation these days without going through a metal detector. Ever gone to an airport, Greg? What's the matter Greg? Is it your goal to plant weapons in your office for the next group that attempts a coup and those pesky metal detectors thwart your plans?

4. Wailin' Sarah Palin: Among other seriously negative things, Wailin' Palin can be seen as the prototype for Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Traitor Greene, and South Dakota wacko Kristi Noem. Now, she's jealous of them and she wants her goofball audience back from them. Hence this statement about getting vaccinated she made at the recent Turning Point USA conservative freak show:

It’ll be over my dead body that I’ll have to get a shot. I will not do it.

Well, OK, Sarah! From your lips to God's ears! Kind of ironic that there are now Republicans out there (and we mean out there) who say that embalming fluid may help prevent COVID. Yeah, well so will cyanide. Hopefully, they'll all start trying it soon.

5. Michael Cohen, former attorney for disgraced former President Trump: Speaking of Flor-i-duh Man types like Greg Steube above, I'll just end this post with Mr. Cohen's remark about Rep. Matt Gaetz, who, ironically, seems to be Gym Jordan's best pal:

I hope that at the end of the day this resolves quickly for Matt because I don’t want him to miss the prom.