-by Noah
1. The Putin Collection of Republican Testicals - See above! Who could possibly blame us for thinking Putin has been castrating Republicans? Of course he has! That's the deal! "I give you rubles. You give me your little Republican balls!" Remember when Trump looked so meek in Helsinki after he came out of his meeting with his favorite handler Vlad? Remember when that group of $enators went over to Moscow allegedly to warn Putin not to interfere with U.S elections, nudge, nudge, wink, wink?
Tell your Repug friends a jar of these go great with...
2. Swanson's Turkey Carlson TV Dinners. Frozen Russian assets! Now that's a perfect match! It's what's for dinner! Not bad, but personally, I'm still holding out for my Chris Christie on a luau spit with a pineapple in his fat yap idea from a few years ago. Whatever, I know the TV dinners are easier but I also know the flavor's in the fat! That and the frequent stray rodent hairs. Doggie approved!
3. Former Attorney General & Trump Co-conspirator William Barr's Book, "One Damn Thing After Another I Did Nothing About!" Yeah, It wasn't just Iran-Contra, Unitary Executive bullcrap, and lying about the Muller Report, William Barr has always taken a hands on approach to crime! And don't forget his life long Jabba the Hutt imitation!
4. Republican Leisure Wear! - Damn, Republicans sure have a sense of classy style. They sure know how to dress for a violent coup attempt! Check this dude out! Ladies, I bet he's single, too! And, if you're a guy that's into bears, hey, it doesn't hurt to ask! As long as you can out run him if he reacts... poorly. Safe to say that I don't see that being a problem. This assclown couldn't even outrun a box turtle.
And, he's gonna need some new sneakers if he wants to try! Will he put on a black guys sneakers? Will the SS lightning bolt logo assuage his doubts! Soon to be available in a J-6 Storm The Capitol Edition! Here, check 'em out!
5. Kanye Yeast SS Sneakers! And, no, we don't mean SS=Social Security. Republicans hate that but what they do seem to love is the ol' German Nazi SS. You think a couple of old queens like Lindsey Graham and Moscow Turtle Boy wouldn't go for a pair of these and a full length black leather coat with matching SS lapels? I bet Matt Gaetz already has his! For Republicans, it's all an idea that never gets old. What Republican doesn't want to make a fashion statement that reveals their inner nazi thug? Personally, I am certain that most Republicans have an SS logo tattooed somewhere on their body. They probably get them at birth, not that it's needed since we know what they're all about every time they open their whiney mouths. But, ink is not for everybody so I'm sure these spiffy sneakers are sooo perfect gift for any repug. Also, goes totally right with that Camp Auschwitz sweatshirt they picked up from the RNC-Proud Boys booth on J-6. Oh and yes, Lindsey Graham and Moscow Mitch already have prototypes of the soon to be available fluffy slipper version.
6. The Republican National Committee's "Legitimate Political Discourse" Supply Catalog! With a foreword by Top 5 Republican Traitor, RNC Chairnazi Ronna Romney McDaniel!
7. What does Trump's own plastic daughter recommend? Heinz Ketchup! It cleans up just fine! Never worry about your crazy Republican aunt or uncle throwing it on the walls! And, why not suggest they try putting it on some of those testicals!!!
And for ol' plastic mannequin princess herself?
8. Plea Bargain By Ivanka! Got a Republican relative or neighbor that may want to spend the next year or so covering up the smell of being a traitor. Why not suggest a swimming pool full of this? Endless refills available at Chick-fil-A and Hobby Lobby or the office of any Republican politician anywhere!
DWT's 2022 Gift Ideas, So Far:
Part 2: The Holy Bonesaw Edition!
Part 1: What Do You Give A Traitor?
hatewatt, if there is truly a whiny misanthrope on this page, it is you. All I do is add in what a democrap-servile page leaves out for balance and objectivity.
it ain't whining if it's all true.
craphead, I see you are filled with the spirit of holiday cheer! Maybe Noah could come up with a list of gifts for you called "DWT's Gifts For Whining Misanthropes."
your democraps didn't need anyone to castrate them. They do it to themselves.
and as for 'the things I refused to do jack shit about', your merrick garland has a much longer list to boast about.
and those two additions are related.
is it ironic that when you do a catharsis about nazis, you SHOULD be doing both parties?