DWT's Annual Gift Ideas For Republikooks, Part 4.A Little Something For The Kiddies!

-by Noah

1. Il Piccolo Inquisitore Game - Can't forget the kids! Because we all know that, when it comes to Republicans, "It's all about the children!" Sure the instructions aren't in English but for Republicans, it's all about the pictures anyway, and give them a little bonus bonesaw or hammer and they'll all want the Il Piccolo Inquisitore game under their family values tree! Separation of church and state? No effin' way!!! Train 'em young!

2. Lauren By Mattel (See above) - Yep, Barbie's "Disturbingly Unstable Sister!" And you thought that was Marjorie Traitor Greene! Nope. Let's be gracious and give credit right where credit is due! You wouldn't want simple minded Lauren to develop some sort of attention whore complex now, would you? It's sooo hard enough being Colorado's Sarah Palin. Don't pile on. As another traitor once said, "That would be wrong." Coming soon, the Herschel the Werewolf doll! It talks real Republican and once you'll pull the string, there's no shutting it up!

3. Everyone I Disagree With Is A Communist, A Guide To Trumpism - Yes, this book is the simple-minded guide to the core beliefs of not just Republican children but their childlike parents as well! Give this one to a Republican of any age and they'll read it every night just before they get down on their knees and ask their god to burn all the Democrats in oil right after Brett Kavanaugh pelts them with empty beer cans.

4. The Trump GI Bone Spurs Doll! - That's right! Now your child can commemorate the military "service" of President Bone Spurs with a lifelike GI Trump! What military service, you ask? Exactly! But really, what real patriot would want to be in a foxhole with Trump anyway. He'd go fight for the other side for $5.00 in bitcoin and a date with an underage Miss Teen Universe contestant, and that's what any Republican can relate to, especially if there's a nice letter from Kim Jong-un included in the deal!

5. Soap Baby Trump Cleansing Bar! - Sure, when you say 'cleansing" in the presence of Republicans, their little minds tend to turn to ethnic cleansing of any group that isn't as white as a melting igloo in the arctic. But, if you have a republican niece or nephew who's a mud person for real, well, this is the perfect gift! And, as you can see, it's a highly accurate likeness! Just give it to them and tell them that if they don't wash all that brown off their skin immediately, mommy and daddy will disown them or worse!

6. The Build Your Own Conspiracy Theory Kit! - Kids love games! So do "adults" who adhere to the sicko rules of Republicanism. There's a couple of things like this available online. Above you see the refrigerator magnet kit. Below, you see a conspiracy theory trivia board game! Why not get the family lunatics both and watch their heads explode like a bottle of ketchup hurled against the wall!