by Noah
Do you know a Republican who can read? If so, wow! Good for you! So why not give the gift of a book? Be sure to make it a small one so they can easily hide it from their friends! Give them a book with a subject matter they can easily relate to and remember, the more pictures of guns and boat parades the better! Here ya go, just a few titles. Of course, your Republican friends and relatives may already have these, but, hey, that's why the gods invented regifting. Be sure to include some nice bookmarks (at the bottom of the page), courtesy of the kind folks at MoveOn.
1. Mein Covfefe - The Diaper Don is running for prez again! In his swiss cheese brain (with mice in the holes), he sees it as a means to avoid his legal troubles and bilk a ton of cash from his zombie Republican followers at the same time. All the while, his whole approach to crime is to bury each of his crimes under an endless weighty pile of additional crimes until the system shatters. No one can keep up! Mission Accomplished! Or is that his party is just slyly waiting for their boss of bosses in Moscow to completely take over and pardon them all!
2. Don't Tell Anyone Our Little Secret, by Flor-i-duh Man and bizarro Republican mover and shaker Rep. Matt Gaetz. Imagine what the people who vote for this asswipe are into! Now, courtesy of Little Golden Books, we may find out the hideous details. It seems for sure that the so-called justice system is never going to tell us. Will 2023 be the year that Rep. Gaetz goes on FOX "News" and sings "Me And Julia Down By The Schoolyard" while Laura Ingraham tries to keep the beat. Hands above the desk, Sean! 3. Trump The Christ! (See Above) You think Republicans aren't insane? Guess again! Insanity is one of the prerequisites to signing up! This book is real! Yes. It really exists! The author has the interesting and very telling name of Helgard Muller and even puts the two dots above the u. I can just imagine the flag display on his lawn! I bet Tucker Tiki Torch has a copy of this book. It's probably even autographed with cute little swastikas on either side of the signature! Available at amazon. Be sure to look it up, read the insane summary and check out the highly entertaining reviews! Great bathroom reading and if there's ever another toilet paper shortage... Oh, the irony!!!
4. Loser, The Art Of The Loss- The story of a loser who lost by a loser who lost and wants to lose again! The thing that wouldn't leave! The thing that lives to lose! The idol of the 74,000,000 nazis and nazi lovers who love him. You know how this one ends, or do you?
5. A Kushy Gig by Jared Kushner - Mediocre white guy? That's generous but, man, I guess his editor doesn't get out much. A douchebag is a douchebag and there ain't much more to it. The blurbs on the cover say it all: "The tone is college admissions essay." "Kushner looks like a mannequin and writes like one." "Reminded me of watching a cat lick a dog's eye goo." But, what I really want is the specifics of Kushners Chinese cash deal and what the Saudis got for that $2 Billion they handed him. And, damn, where's that bonesaw? Will it end up on display in the Trump museum? Or, will it disappear only to become the future holy grail of Trump worshippers? The Holy Bonesaw!
6. Dark Brandon Wrapping Paper- What will you wrap your presents for Repugs in? No, not that derogatory "Let's Go Brandon" paper. Why not make them cringe at the thought of Dark Brandon? Sure, they'd rather have that Let's Go Brandon crapola. There's a zillion versions of that available online but so is the Dark Brandon stuff so why not irritate them or at least confuse them? Be the instrument of Christmas Karma!
More will be forthcoming. Meanwhile, don't forget to consider the fine gift ideas in Part 1.
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