Charles Kushner: Ambassador to France or “Le Patron de Corruption?”

Trump’s Most Transactional & Transgressive Appointment Yet

The Kushner family saga has reached its logical next act: Charles Kushner, pardoned felon and family patriarch, is now Trump’s choice for ambassador to France. Nothing says “diplomatic savoir-faire” like a man whose most famous business deal involved hush money, an incriminating video, and a subsequent prison sentence. If the French weren't rolling their eyes at American politics before, they’ll certainly need a chiropractor now. I can't wait to hear what Chris Christie has to say about this, since he was the U.S. Attorney who originally prosecuted Kushner and had him locked up.

Trump’s glowing endorsement of Charles as a “philanthropist and dealmaker” seems to gloss over the fact that one of his most infamous deals involved blackmailing his own brother-in-law. If this is the kind of negotiation experience Trump values, the U.S.-France wine tariff talks might just culminate in Charles sending Emmanuel Macron a particularly ominous bottle of Bordeaux. Charles has contributed millions of dollars to Trump's campaigns and to Trump-related super PACs, a fabulous investment if he wanted to live in a Parisienne mansion formerly occupied by Charles Talleyrand de Périgord de Chalais, Comte Louis Le Pelletier de Mortefontaine, Baron Edmond de Rothschild and, during World War II served as an officers’ club for the SS.

And let’s not overlook Jared Kushner, Charles’ son and the Trump regime’s original “shadow diplomat.” It’s only fitting that Jared— best known for his behind-the-scenes maneuvering, from Middle East peace plans to a casual $2 billion Saudi investment— now gets to add “ambassadorial puppet-master” to his résumé. One can only imagine Jared whispering to his father, “Remember, Dad, just smile, nod, and say ‘oui.’”

Of course, this appointment follows Trump’s grand tradition of turning diplomacy into farce. With Charles in Paris, the U.S. Embassy might need to rebrand as a luxury real estate showroom. Picture it: a gilded conference room with “Kushner Towers” brochures casually displayed during NATO meetings. Who needs diplomacy when you have floor plans for penthouses with “unparalleled Eiffel Tower views”?

Charles Kushner’s ambassadorship could herald a new chapter in U.S.-French relations— or at least inspire a hit Netflix comedy about it. Let’s hope his tenure doesn’t end with Macron saying, “C’est fini.”

No need to stop at Kushner, right? If the Senate confirms him… well with Trump’s Rolodex of morally flexible associates, the possibilities for ambassadorial appointments, and comedy, are endless.

For instance, Rudy Giuliani could be a shoo-in for Ambassador to Italy. After all, he’s already practiced his hand gestures, and who better to oversee U.S.-Italian relations than a man whose love for wine is matched only by his ability to spill it on live television? Rumor has it Giuliani plans to open a consular office inside a Roman pizzeria, offering free legal advice with every large pepperoni.

Then there’s Steve Bannon, who could be tapped for Ambassador to Hungary— a perfect fit given his admiration for Viktor Orbán and shared affection for illiberal democracy. Picture Bannon in Budapest, running an embassy decorated in medieval battle flags while hosting “crusader cocktail hours” to brainstorm ways to roll back the Enlightenment.

And let’s not forget Roger Stone, whose flair for drama and love of espionage practically scream Ambassador to Russia. Stone’s first act would likely involve commissioning embassy uniforms inspired by his tattoo of Nixon, complete with a little fur trim for the Siberian winters. His diplomatic mission? “Restoring the art of the backchannel,” which, in Stone’s case, probably involves a hotline to a certain Kremlin office.

And then there’s Walt Nauta, Trump’s ever-loyal valet and co-defendant in the classified documents case. Born in Guam, Nauta might find himself appointed as “Special Envoy to the Pacific Islands”— a role Trump could invent on the spot with a Sharpie. His duties? Delivering classified documents hidden in coconuts while reminding everyone that they’re just “decorative keepsakes.” Alternatively, Trump could push for something even more official, like making Nauta U.S. Attorney for Guam. The qualifications? Loyalty, a willingness to lift heavy boxes, and an ironclad poker face when answering questions about “souvenir documents.” Because in Trump’s world, the lines between employee, defendant, and diplomat are always... flexible.

UPDATE: Or how about something really far-fetched... like Kash Patel to head the FBI. Of course, maybe he was thrown into the mix yesterday as a lightening rod to take some attention off Kushner, Gabbard, RFK, Jr., Bondi, Homan, Hegseth... And never forget the worst one of all: Musk.