B-B-B-B-Bad to The Bone... Rudy Giuliani Always Has Been

On Thursday, 3 judges ruled against Trump in 3 cases (the “find me the votes” phone call in Georgia; the top secret documents case in Florida; the porn star hush money case in New York). Giuliani, on the other hand, had some relatively good news: he won’t become a homeless person wandering the streets of Palm Beach or crashing on peoples’ couches, at least not yet. Jake Offenhartz reported that a New York bankruptcy judge is allowing him to remain in his Florida condo for now, declining to rule on a motion filed by his creditors that would’ve forced him to sell the Palm Beach estate (worth around $3.5 million).

For anyone who ever wished Giuliani all the worst, your wish seems to have been granted despite the temporary leniency on Thursday. Giuliani is getting everything he so richly deserves. For a 79 year old man to be going through the stress he’s going through since being forced into bankruptcy late last December… well, he’ll probably die pretty soon. “He has agreed to list his Manhattan apartment for roughly $5 million,” wrote Offenhartz, “but argues he should continue living in the Florida condo, citing the need to record his podcast there and the ‘prohibitive’ cost of finding a new home in New York. ‘If the court compels the sale of the Florida condominium, then the debtor will be forced to incur expenses for alternative housing,’ his lawyers wrote in a March 28 motion. ‘Surely the committee does not intend the debtor to join the ranks of the homeless?’”

The bankruptcy has brought forth a diverse coalition of creditors who say they are owed money by Giuliani, including a supermarket employee who was thrown in jail for patting him on the back, two elections technology companies that he spread conspiracies about, a woman who says he coerced her into sex, several of his former attorneys, the IRS and Hunter Biden, who claims Giuliani illegally shared his personal data.

An attorney representing many of those creditors, Rachel Biblo Block, said Thursday that Giuliani had spent at least $160,000 on maintenance fees and taxes for the Florida condo since the bankruptcy, far more than the $8,000 in monthly payments that his lawyers previously estimated.

Those payments, she added, were “rapidly depleting” Giuliani’s limited assets, which include about $15,000 in cash and $1 million in a retirement account.

“We don’t want to be left with our creditors holding the bag while he gets to be living in his luxurious condo,” she said, adding that Giuliani had “shown an inclination to stall” as he seeks to appeal the judgment in the Georgia election workers case.

While the judge suggested he was unlikely to force a sale of the property, he hinted at more “draconian” measures if Giuliani does not comply with information requests about his spending habits— including the possible appointment of a trustee to oversee his finances.

The next hearing is scheduled for May 14th.

Alvin and the Chipmunks covered the George Thorogood classic Bad to the Bone. So did, more or less, Eric Cartman and ZZ Top. It’s also been used in dozens of movies and TV shows, from The Color of Money, Lethal Weapon and Terminator 2 to, more recently, The Muppets, It Boy, and Huevos: Little Rooster’s Egg-cellent Adventure. But the absolute nadir for the poor, over-worked song was Giuliani’s wretched version, as Jack-in-the-Box, on The Masked Singer.

Thursday, in examining Giuliani’s best worst moments, Kelly Rissman and Joe Sommerlad noted that “In May 2023, Mr Giuliani’s ex-employee Noelle Dunphy accused him of sexual assault and harassment. The bombshell lawsuit provided outrageous details, like her claim that “he often demanded oral sex while he took phone calls on speakerphone from high-profile friends and clients, including then-President Trump. ‘Giuliani told Dunphy that he enjoyed engaging in this conduct while on the telephone because it made him feel like Bill Clinton.’… As part of her court filing, Dunphy also submitted transcripts of recordings of Giuliani. In one transcript dated 2019, he seems to get confused about celebrities— and then insults one, and then some. According to the transcript, Dunphy asked: ‘Who were the other Republicans who are celebrities?’ Giuliani replied, ‘Ain’t too many. Brad– not Brad Pitt. The other guy that looks like him.’ She asked if her boss meant Bradley Cooper before she landed on Matt Damon, who is ‘very liberal.’ Her boss strangely replied, ‘No, Matt Damon is a– Matt Damon is a fag. Matt Damon is also 5’2. Eyes are blue. Coochie-coochie-coochie-coo.’ It should be noted that not only does the actor’s IMDB page mark his height as 5ft 10in tall, but Damon has been married to Luciana Barroso since 2005, and the pair share four daughters. It’s unclear why Mr Giuliani seemed to have a vendetta against the A-lister.”