Ask Yourself: If Trump Invades Canada, Who Would You Like To See As The First Fatality?

I Like Canadians— I Really, Really Hate Trump

This all started because Trump is ugly, fat & unlikeable and Trudeau is handsome, fit & sweet— and the Trump women all swooned over him

Trump’s back with a travel ban list and someone leaked a tentative version to the NY Times. There are 3 levels of ban and only 11 countries’ citizens are just flat out banned from entry into the U.S., one being, inexplicably, Bhutan and three others being Cuba, Afghanistan and Venezuela, where refugees from regimes we consider unfriendly have been welcome. Yesterday evening, Charlie Savage and Ken Bensinger reported that the State Department list targets 43 countries in all. Remember, this list is tentative:

Savage and Bensinger: “changes were likely by the time it reached the White House… The draft proposal also included an “orange” list of 10 countries for which travel would be restricted but not cut off. In those cases, affluent business travelers might be allowed to enter, but not people traveling on immigrant or tourist visas. Citizens on that list would also be subjected to mandatory in-person interviews in order to receive a visa.” 

Some of the countries on the draft red and orange lists were sanctioned by Trump in his first-term travel bans, but many are new. Some share characteristics with the earlier lists— they are generally Muslim-majority or otherwise nonwhite, poor and have governments that are considered weak or corrupt.

…The proposal to sharply restrict, if not outright ban, visitors from Russia raises a different issue. While the Russian government has a reputation for corruption, Trump has been trying to reorient U.S. foreign policy in a more Russia-friendly direction.

A decision to include Venezuela could also disrupt a nascent thaw in relations that has been useful to Trump’s separate efforts to deport undocumented migrants.

The proposal also includes a draft “yellow” list of 22 countries that would be given 60 days to clear up perceived deficiencies, with the threat of being moved onto one of the other lists if they did not comply.

Such issues could include failing to share with the United States information about incoming travelers, purportedly inadequate security practices for issuing passports, or the selling of citizenship to people from banned countries, which could serve as a loophole around the restrictions.

Well… at least he didn’t include Canada… yet. He wouldn’t actually order the U.S. military to invade, would he? I mean, this isn’t Greenland or Panama. Although the U.S. did try invading Canada twice in the past— 1775 during the Revolutionary War and 1812 during the War of 1812. Yesterday former State Department counselor Eliot Cohen wrote that invading Canada is a bad idea. “Thomas Jefferson,” he wrote, “the original Republican, described the acquisition of Canada as ‘a mere matter of marching.’ This was incorrect. The United States launched eight or nine invasions of Canada during the War of 1812, winning only one fruitless battle. The rest of the time, it got walloped. For example, General William Hull, like other American commanders a superannuated veteran of the Revolution, ended up surrendering Detroit with 2,500 troops to a much smaller British and Indian force. Court-martialed for cowardice and neglect of duty in 1814, he was sentenced to death but pardoned. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth is perhaps unfamiliar with the Battle of Chateaugay. The last three letters are, after all, gay, and as such, the battle has doubtless been expunged from Defense Department websites and databases, meeting the same fate as the Enola Gay. Still, it is instructive. An invading force of 2,600 American regulars encountered about 1,500 Canadian militia members, volunteers, and Mohawks under a Francophone colonel, Charles de Salaberry.  They were defeated and had to withdraw… Bottom line: It is not a good idea to invade Canada. I recommend that in order to avoid the Trump administration becoming even more of a laughingstock, Secretary Hegseth find, read and distribute to the White House a good account of the Battle of Chateaugay. It could help avoid embarrassment.”

I asked my Twitter followers if they think Trump would be impeached and convicted— by THIS Congress— if he orders the military to invade. Not many thought so:

Last week, Rep. Seth Magaziner (D-RI) introduced legislation aimed at preventing Señor Trumpanzyy from using military force to annex Greenland, Canada or Panama. He emphasized that Americans don’t support engaging in unnecessary wars or territorial expansions. This may surprise you but in 1921, Canadian military strategist James Sutherland “Buster” Brown developed Defense Scheme No. 1, a contingency plan to counter a potential U.S. invasion. Given Canada's smaller military and limited resources, Brown proposed a bold, preemptive strategy: Canadian forces would launch rapid strikes into the U.S. to disrupt American mobilization and delay an inevitable counterattack. The plan called for Canadian troops to invade at five key points, including North Dakota, Montana, Minnesota, Washington and New York, with objectives such as capturing Seattle, Minneapolis, and Albany. Infrastructure like bridges, railways and factories would be destroyed to hinder American forces. Recognizing that Canada could not hold U.S. territory for long, the strategy aimed to buy time for British reinforcements to arrive. Although never officially enacted, Brown even led small, unauthorized incursions into U.S. territory to map potential attack routes. By 1928, the plan was abandoned as U.S.-Canadian relations improved, and the looming threat of war with other global powers shifted strategic priorities. While purely hypothetical, Defense Scheme No. 1 reflected the anxieties of an era when military planners on both sides of the border still viewed each other as potential adversaries. I wonder if someone has been looking through some draws at the National Defence Headquarters’ Carling Campus in Ottawa to find an old copy.

Meanwhile… there’s this letter in circulation that gets right to the heart of it all. I recommend reading it if you want to see some real light shed onto Trump’s Canada problem:

Dear 77,301,997 Trump-Loving, Conspiracy-Huffing, Rage-Addicted Americans (And the Canadian Dumbfucks Who Worship Them)

Oh, hey there. Sit down. Read this. Try not to cry.

Listen, I get it. You think we’re just a bunch of polite, snow-loving, maple syrup-chugging pushovers up here in Canada. You’ve been misled. We’re polite, sure. But only until we get pissed off. And you, dear MAGA cultists, are testing our fucking patience.

Let’s clear up a few things about who we actually are, because you seem to be confused. We’re a country that gives a shit about our elders, our kids, and our most vulnerable. We actually value education instead of treating it like some left-wing brainwashing experiment. We don’t get all horny over billionaires hoarding wealth while our neighbours die in poverty. We don’t fantasize about returning to the 1940s, and we sure as hell don’t think the most corrupt sack of shit on the planet was personally chosen by God. Who does that? Oh right— you.

But let’s go deeper.

We’ve Always Been Your Best Fucking Neighbour— So What the Hell Happened?

Time and time again, Canada has been there when the U.S. needed us.

World War I? We were in the trenches before you even showed up. World War II? We were storming the beaches of Normandy while you were still debating whether or not to help. Korea, Afghanistan, peacekeeping missions— you name it, we’ve had your back. We sent our firefighters to help when California burned. When Katrina wiped out New Orleans, we were there. And on 9/11? We fucking welcomed thousands of stranded Americans into our homes, because that’s what decent people do.

And what did we ask for in return? Nothing. We didn’t demand grovelling gratitude or threaten to “never help again” if you didn’t kiss our ass. That’s your toxic, transactional bullshit— not ours.

Enter Your Mango-Coloured Messiah: A Convicted Criminal With a Cult

So after all that, what do we get? Your country elects a spray-tanned sociopath with a vocabulary of a Grade 3 dropout, and suddenly we’re the bad guys? You’ve got a convicted fraudster leading your country— a man who insults war heroes, mocks the disabled, and jerks off to the thought of authoritarian rule— and we’re the problem? You’ve got a party foaming at the mouth to gut democracy, roll back civil rights, and turn the U.S. into a theocratic shithole, but we’re the ones who should shut up?

Nah. Fuck that.

And to the Canadian Trump Bootlickers— Sit the Fuck Down

I can already hear the Canadian MAGA muppets shrieking, “Mind your own broken country!” Oh, sweetheart. If Canada were actually broken, it would be because of dumbass conservatives like you who take marching orders from a foreign conman.

Is Canada perfect? Of course not. But unlike you bootlicking clowns, we don’t rally behind leaders who openly admire fascists and flirt with the idea of rounding up immigrants. We don’t foam at the mouth over the idea of a “war on woke” while pretending climate change isn’t real. And we certainly don’t suck off billionaires while pretending trickle-down economics isn’t a scam.

You morons scream about freedom, but what you really mean is the freedom to be an ignorant, unvaccinated, gun-hoarding dipshit. The moment someone else— be it a woman, an immigrant, or a person of colour— wants the same freedom you enjoy? Oh no, suddenly that’s tyranny. Fuck off with that hypocrisy.

Canada Isn’t Broken— You Just Can’t Handle Reality

What do we actually have in Canada? Universal health care. Sensible gun laws. A social safety net that, while imperfect, at least tries to keep people from starving in the streets.

Meanwhile, in your MAGA utopia, you can literally go bankrupt because you got cancer. You send kids to school in bulletproof backpacks because you refuse to do anything about mass shootings. You’re so brainwashed by billionaires that you think raising the minimum wage is worse than cutting taxes for a corporation that made $100 billion last quarter.

And you have the fucking gall to call us broken?

Mind My Own Business? I Fucking Wish

Oh, I’d love to. Really, I would. But here’s the problem— when you share a border with a country of over 300 million people, and that country elects a conspiracy-loving, anti-science lunatic to power, it becomes my business.

When your president guts economic, military, and trade alliances that help keep the world stable? That’s my business. When your leader openly muses about invading sovereign countries— including ours? That’s definitely my business.

And when a bunch of dumbfuck Canadians start acting like America’s the blueprint for success, despite all evidence to the contrary? That’s all of our business.

We’re Watching, and We’re Not Impressed

So, dear Trump cultists, both American and Canadian: we’re onto you. We see your bullshit, your hypocrisy, your complete detachment from reality. And we’re not buying a single second of it.

We’re your neighbours, your allies, your friends— but we’re not your doormats. We’re polite, but we’re not fucking stupid. And right now? We’re watching. Closely.

Warmest regards,

A Canadian Who’s Had Enough of Your Bullshit